Ed Abbey Speaks
"Bart Koehler/'Monkey Wrenchin''": Bart Koehler/"Johnny Sagebrush" sings
Transcript
[BEGIN DISK 1 TRACK 17]
Koehler: I’ve got time for one more. (inaudible comment from audience) Hold on, do you hear something? Hang on, be quiet, I just heard a voice.
Voice: Yes, I wanna hear "The Monkey Wrench Song."
Koehler: You’ve gotta sit down, you’ve gotta sit down, please. I thought I heard a voice I heard years ago.
Voice: I want to hear "The Monkey Wrench Song."
Koehler: Is that you, Ed?
Voice: Who the hell you think it is?
Koehler: Oh, s**t, okay. Well, we got a special request, ladies and gentlemen. It’s not every day you get a request from Edward Abbey, himself, asking for "Monkey Wrenchin’." Now, before we do this, in case there are any FBI agents in the audience, you have to repeat after me a standard phrase that you always say when your phone is tapped. "I do not advocate illegal acts." Now, repeat after me, (audience joins in) "I do not advocate illegal acts."
Voice: Except at night.
Koehler: Except at night. And if you have a note from your mother, it’s okay. This is actually a love song, a little two-step kind of thing. Why don’t we start out with the chorus to warm up a little bit? Real easy. I wish I had a brass band behind me here.
(sings) We’re goin’ monkey wrenchin’, we’re goin’ monkey wrenchin’. We’re goin’ monkey wrenchin’ all over this land.
(speaks) Can you handle that? Let’s hear it.
(sings) We’re goin’ monkey wrenchin’, we’re goin’ monkey wrenchin’. We’re goin’ monkey wrenchin’ all over this land.
Well, you grab a wrench, I’ll get the Karo® syrup, picks and shovels and wire cutters, too. Iron filings and sugar for the gas tanks. Then I’ll show you what we’re gonna do.
(speaks) Ready?
(sings chorus)
(speaks) And this is all advice, just in case you ever have to do a little self-defense, creative kind of work out there. Not that I’ve ever done any of this stuff!
(sings) Well, don’t forget your gloves and camouflage tee shirt. Take some extra clothes to help you with your disguise. Get your friends and let us get a rollin’. Don’t forget your mirrored sunglasses to cover up your eyes.
(speaks) Because when the FBI is takin’ photos in daylight….
(sings chorus)
(speaks) Okay, last verse now. This is real serious.
(sings) Well, daylight crime sure is more exciting.
(speaks) And you can see better what you’re doin’.
(sings) Moonlight crime’s romantic, that sure is right. Monkey wrenchin’ is so satisfyin’, so pull up those stakes, close down those roads, break down and knock out those D-9 cats, and you know everything is gonna be all right.
(sings chorus)
(speaks) Here’s the finale to teach your children well. Ready?
(sings) Well, mama’s little baby loves monkey wrenchin’, mama’s little baby loves to monkey wrench. Thank you! (applause)
Wegner: Thank you, Bart, AKA Johnny Sagebrush. All right, he wanted me to mention that and I know he works in Durango, Colorado, with the Wilderness Society, and keeps savin’ lands. So once again, we thank him.
We’re gonna do one more speaker before we take our break, and it’s Jack Loeffler.
[END DISK 1 TRACK 17]